dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
