I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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