Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize