i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
