look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
