I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
