If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
