There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
