im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
