i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
