lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
