capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
