I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
