I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
