I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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