I'm gonna have a badass scar
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Randomize
