i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
