i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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