before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
