this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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