so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
