my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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