Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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