At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
this hospital has no fireball
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
