so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
