well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
