Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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