The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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