So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
