I am puke
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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