I hope mine doesn't look like that
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize