you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
