I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
