just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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