My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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