he puts the penis in happiness.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
