my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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