Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's blow job season.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
