can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
