bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
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