I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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