So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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