so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
