the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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