My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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