I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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