Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
