Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
