'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
