Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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