i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
