Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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