What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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