I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
