My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
