Betty ford says i'm here all night
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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