Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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