i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
