Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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