8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
