Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
