I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
