Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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