Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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