She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
