I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
