I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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